what say you?

Dont know why but felt like pasting this news article here. Been emotional about what I've read. Read about it and do share what you feel about this.

Historic EPA finding: Greenhouse gases harm humans

By H. JOSEF HEBERT and DINA CAPPIELLO, Associated Press Writers H. Josef Hebert And Dina Cappiello, Associated Press Writers – Mon Dec 7, 11:29 pm ET

WASHINGTON – The Obama administration took a major step Monday toward imposing the first federal limits on climate-changing pollution from cars, power plants and factories, declaring there was compelling scientific evidence that global warming from manmade greenhouse gases endangers Americans' health.

The announcement by the Environmental Protection Agency was clearly timed to build momentum toward an agreement at the international conference on climate change that opened Monday in Copenhagen, Denmark. It signaled the administration was prepared to push ahead for significant controls in the U.S. if Congress doesn't act first on its own.

The price could be steep for both industry and consumers. The EPA finding clears the way for rules that eventually could force the sale of more fuel-efficient vehicles and require plants to install costly new equipment — at a cost of billions or even many tens of billions of dollars — or shift to other forms of energy.

No analysis has been conducted by the EPA on costs of such broad regulations, although the agency put the price tag of its proposed climate-related car rules at $60 billion, with an estimated benefit of $250 billion.

Energy prices for many Americans probably would rise, too — though Monday's finding will have no immediate impact since regulations have yet to be written. Supporters of separate legislation in Congress argue they could craft measures that would mitigate some of those costs.

Environmentalists hailed the EPA announcement as a clear indication the United States will take steps to attack climate change even if Congress fails to act. And they welcomed the timing of the declaration, saying it will help the Obama administration convince delegates at the international climate talks that the U.S. is serious about addressing the problem. Obama will address the conference next week.

But business groups said regulating carbon emissions through the EPA under existing clean air law would put new economic burdens on manufacturers, cost jobs and drive up energy prices.
"It will choke off growth by adding new mandates to virtually every major construction and renovation project," declared Thomas Donohue, president of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, which in recent months has been particularly critical of the EPA's attempt to address climate change.

The EPA signaled last April that it was inclined to view heat-trapping pollution as a threat to public health and welfare and began to take public comments for formal rulemaking. That marked a reversal from the Bush administration, which had refused to issue the finding, despite a conclusion by EPA scientists that it was warranted.

EPA Administrator Lisa Jackson said Monday, "There are no more excuses for delaying," adding that the so-called endangerment analysis from global warming had been under consideration at the agency for three years. After the official finding, she said the agency is now "obligated to make reasonable efforts to reduce greenhouse pollutants under the Clean Air Act."

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said President Barack Obama "still believes the best way to move forward is through the legislative process" — something Obama has expressed on a number of occasions as he has pressed Congress to shift the nation's energy priorities away from fossil fuels and to reduce climate-changing pollution.

The EPA said scientific evidence clearly shows that greenhouse gases "threaten the public health and welfare of the American people" and that the pollutants — mainly carbon dioxide from burning fossil fuels — should be reduced, if not by Congress then by the agency responsible for enforcing air pollution.

"These long-overdue findings cement 2009's place in history as the year when the United States government began addressing the challenge of greenhouse-gas pollution," said Jackson.

She rejected claims by climate skeptics that the science of global warming remains in doubt, an argument given additional attention in recent weeks with the disclosure through intercepted e-mails that a British scientist had privately discussed ways to shield certain climate data from public scrutiny.

"The vast body of evidence not only remains unassailable, it has grown even stronger," said Jackson.

Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., a lead author of a climate bill before the Senate, said of the finding: "This is a clear message to Copenhagen of the Obama administration's commitments to address global climate change. ... The message to Congress is crystal clear: Get moving."

Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-Calif., also a co-author, said, "The Senate has a duty to act."

Business groups have strongly argued against tackling global warming through the Clean Air Act, saying it is less flexible and more costly than the cap-and-trade legislation being considered by Congress. Any regulations from the EPA are certain to spawn lawsuits and a lengthy legal fights.
"Such regulations would be intrusive, inefficient and excessively costly, chill job growth and delay business expansion," argued Jack Gerard, president of the American Petroleum Institute, which also has been critical of the climate legislation before Congress.

"The Clean Air Act can complement legislation," said Jackson. In fact, if Congress were to cap greenhouse gas emissions, the EPA probably would be given the responsibility of implementing the law.

The EPA's involvement in reducing climate-changing pollution, stems from a 2007 Supreme Court decision that declared that carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases are pollutants under the Clean Air Act. But the court said the EPA would have to determine if these pollutants pose a danger to public health and welfare before it could regulate them.

how i became two..

The news that i am pregnant hit the public 3 weeks ago. The reaction and response from my friends was amazing - ada yang melompat kegembiraan, ada yang mengalirkan air mata sebab terharu sangat..huhu..and they say, "Finally our batch dah ada baby!" thanks to our seniors' batch with their 3 babies and more to come.

The scene of a pregnant female student walking about in the campus is not an uncommon sight here in IIUM, be it in Gombak or Kuantan. Many of the pregnancies were perhaps unplanned but there are also many who really planned to expand their family.

Some of you (or perhaps most) may be wondering which category i fall into. Rest assured that this has been well planned and with the Blessings and Mercy from Allah, He executes this plan.

I remember telling a close friend of mine (i.e. Fiey) about my new status. She was a bit quiet afterwards and did not appear to be as excited as i expected her to be. Only after i mentioned that it is well planned did her face shine and a she released a huge sigh of relief. She didn't know whether to congratulate or sympathise with me as she thought it was a result of contraceptive failure! huhuu..my fault for not informing her that i have stopped taking the pills many months back.

My parents, especially my dad, were not so keen on the idea of bearing a child while studying. In fact this was the main issue that my father brought up before he allowed me to get married. He said that accidents happen. I said accidents can be prevented. After I got married, he constantly reminded me not to give him a cucu as his birthday present. And I obediently kept my promise.

In contrast, Qayyum's parents were a bit open about this issue in the sense that they wouldn't mind if we decided to have a child early or wait a little bit longer. Though, the father likes little children so much and he tends to spoil them, which is something I quite worry.

Well perhaps my parents were worried that being pregnant will make things hard for me. Having to cope with the new condition and the demands of my studies, they feared that I might break and fall apart somewhere along the journey. Mak ayah mana la yang tak sayang anak kan. My dad, especially, was really worried that I would stop studying half way. That was why they objected to the idea of being pregnant before I graduate.

Long story made short, one night when I was in Temerloh doing my Paediatrics posting, my mother sent me an sms. She said that she is considering the prospect of becoming a grandmother and that she is able to help take care of the child if need be. This came as a surprise to me. We weren't even specifically discussing about that. It came out of the blue, unexpectedly. Something must have triggered her to think towards that way, I'm sure. I just don't know what it was.

And so further planning began..

Firstly, and most importantly, we tried to look for a target date that is the most suitable time for delivery. Being a student, good timing is essential. I wouldn't want to disturb my studies. From there, I calculated backwards (utilising Naegele rule here..hehe..) to get the rough estimation of when conception should occur. From there, I estimated the time needed for ovulatory cycle to return so that I can estimate when to stop taking the pill.

You see, I use a lot of the word 'estimate'. It's because we can only do so much. Only The Creator knows exactly when and how things will be.

And so began the endeavours towards achieving conception..

I didn't tell too many people about the fact that I was trying to conceive as I did not want to attract unnecessary stress from people asking questions like, "Dah berisi ke?" for which I will end up answering "Oh, saya mmg dari dulu berisi. Tak kurus-kurus." Sometimes I politely smile and try to ignore the question, pretending that I didn't hear it.

During the early phase of trying, I made some literature review (ehemm..rajin kan..) on how to assess fertility status. I took good care of the food that I ate and tried to lose some weight albeit unsuccessfully. I did urine pregnancy test (UPT) almost every week and of course they all came back negative. After about two months, I started to worry that perhaps I was subfertile. I've been oligomenorrhoeic all my life, and coincidentally (or not..) I was given the topic of 'Subfertility' for my seminar!

I realised that this trying has been stressful to me and stress is surely not fertility's best friend. I then stopped doing UPT and tried not to think so much about conceiving. If Allah wants to give, then He will.

One night on the third week of Shawal, I was talking on the phone with Qayyum and inevitably the topic of pregnancy entered the conversation. He asked me to read Surah Maryam and take the lessons from there. And so I did. It's very calming to know that in the most impossible circumstances imaginable to humans, Allah can easily grant a woman an offspring, as in the case of Nabi Zakariyya. They're already old and her wife is barren but with Allah's will, she gave birth to Yahya, the most obedient son one can ever have.

The following evening, I had this strong urge in me to go and purchase a UPT kit. I was so driven by this urge that I somewhat spontaneously drove my Kembara to the nearest pharmacy and bought two kits. I tried doing one that night, and two lines appeared. I got confused. Two lines? Eh, selalunya satu line je keluar. Waaaait a minute. Am I... pregnant? Whoa this is so unexpected. I tried once more the following morning and the same result was obtained.

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. Allah answered our prayer. And Qayyum, my dearest husband, became the happiest man in the world. Now there's a tiny little being attached very closely within me, relying on me for its survival.

Planning to have a baby is important. By planning I mean intentionally wanting to have a baby. For many young couples, they are not ready as yet to embark on a different kind of journey but end up having to face pregnancy and child-rearing at times when they are most unprepared.

Childbearing is a gift. But remember that it is also a responsibility. To shoulder a responsibility, one must be prepared. As Dr. Fauzi, a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist said, children are not instant noodles that you boil for 3 minutes and then it's cooked. Children are people, children are humans. They need time to grow and develop.

Without adequate preparation and knowledge, it's really difficult to raise good and strong children especially in our modern world. Children become the adults they are mostly because of how they were taught, educated, and moulded when they were small.

Bearing a child while studying is even a bigger responsibility. The responsibility lies in the need to keep the reputation of the 'moms club' clean - to set a good example to other people and to demonstrate that being pregnant is not an excuse to become lazy or a reason to get away with things.

I pray hard that I remain steadfast on this path..

care to spend?

Today I attended a tafsir class by Dr. Walid who is an Egyptian engineer working in Malaysia and is well versed in tafsir Quran.

The discussion was on Surah Al-Hadid verses 1 to 13. I hope to share the things that I have learned, as a reinforcement of my memory and a gentle reminder to those who are caring enough to read this mediocre blog of mine. Your visit makes me smile every time :)

Whatever you will be reading thenceforth is just a simple way of my explaining what I understand and nothing is more meaningful than reading it from The Book itself.

Essentially, the early part of the surah outlines Allah's attributes, power, and control over His creations and how it is He who determines what we get for what we do. And then it goes on to lay down what is expected of us human beings.

The analogy is like that of a boss to his employee. Imagine you're a newly recruited member of the company and you're on your first day of work. The boss then calls all the new employee to a meeting room. He says:

"From today onwards, you will be working with this company. I am your boss and your fate in this company lies in my hand. I know everything that goes around the office, and I can assure you that every single thing you do will be rewarded or punished accordingly. Don't worry, I am as just as you can expect me to be. If you work hard, you will earn your credit. If you fail to meet my requirements, you may be expelled."

And so you nod your head in obedience and start to think to yourself:

"Ok, so what is expected of me? What are the things that will add to my merits and what will make me lose this job?"

This is where the subsequent part of the surah comes in. Allah tells us what we can do to earn His approval and reward and warns us on practices from which we ought to keep away. This part of the surah particularly addresses on spending our fortune for the sake of Allah.

Believe in Allah and His apostle, and spend (in charity) out of the (substance) whereof He has made you heirs. For, those of you who believe and spend (in charity),- for them is a great Reward (Al-Hadid, verse 7)

Notice that Allah states that we are made the heirs of the fortunes that we receive from Allah, no matter how large or small the fortune is. In other words, whatever we gain is an Amanah from Allah and we ought to spend it accordingly. Whatever we receive comes from Allah and will eventually go back to Allah.

Wait a minute..

So, does this mean that we cannot use our money to purchase personal items and spend on things that are apparently self-fulfilling such as, say, going for a holiday?

Now, take a step back and try to have a look at the bigger picture..

The money that we earn from our halal endeavours can be divided into portions...

Portion A - for zakat. This is an obligation. It is compulsory and the precentage is fixed. Technically, this portion of your money is not even yours. It cannot be yours. You just have to give it away.

Portion B - for personal use, for us to survive as a human being, and as a reward for all the hard work that we have put in.

Portion C - the one that we give away for the sake of Allah. It is really up to us how much to give and to whom. We know best how much we can afford to give away and Allah knows, too. Examples are funding a welfare organisation, donating to survivors of a disaster, etc.

Then again looking at a wider perspective, even as we spend the money on ourselves, when we do it consciously for the sake of Allah we get rewarded for that too. It's the things that we do every day. Sometimes we just forget to include Allah in the things we do.

Example:

We eat to live. It's basic human needs. It's what we do most of the time. But when you purchase your food with this conscious thought in your head that says 'oh i need to eat lunch so that i have the energy to perform Jumaat prayer later on', you get rewarded for that because you're doing it for the sake of Allah and not because the sambal ikan keli looks so tempting that you start salivating. Or when a pregnant mother consciously opts for healthier food for the reason that she has now the responsibility of ensuring the health of the unborn child, she gets rewarded for that. Although, of course if she happens to suddenly crave for something, she will not get penalised for eating it just because she feels like it. At least not unless it's excessive and harmful. Allah is Kind and Merciful.

Hold on a sec. So does this mean for every single thing I do I have to first verbalise the intention and then proceed to doing it?

Not necessarily. But..

It is always and always better to be conscious of what you're doing, to be purposive in every step of your action. Because that is rewarded more inshaAllah. And that will also give you a better sense of control over you actions. Sometimes some people like to say that they just 'go with the flow'. When things go wrong, they start blaming and pointing fingers. But really, you decide what you do next and you're responsible for every single thing you do anyway. So might as well be aware of it. Blaming doesn't work. What you have done is still your responsiblity.

Now back to spending..

The surah also implies that a person who spends in the way of Allah at times of struggle (say, for example, you gave some money to your friend when you have only ten bucks left in your pocket to spend for the day because you found out that he hasn't eaten for 2 days because he really has no money) is rewarded more than a person who spends in the way Allah at times of ease (say, you have fifty bucks in your pocket and more in your room and you gave five bucks to the beggar at the pasar malam).. Both will be rewarded, inshaAllah but in different degrees.

This also applies to other situations. When you're having a hard time, try to do some good deeds. You're really anxious about exams coming in two days' time whereas you have 50 topics to cover. Suddenly a friend comes and asks for a tutoring on a certain topic. Feeling reluctant? Don't be. Take this chance to gain extra from Allah.

What's keeping us from giving more in the way of Allah?

Most of the time, it's the issue of not believing enough that whatever you give away, you will get back. Always, giving away money is accompanied by this sensation of heaviness in the chest. This is a major issue of trust. Many just dont have enough faith that Allah will take care of them, which is rather disappointing. When Allah promises something, He doesn't promise it just because it sounds nice or seems ideal enough. It is what will be. You just have to have faith.

Allah promises that for every cent that we spend for charity, the reward will be multiplied and you will also receive extra bonus. Just as how you get birthday rewards from Celcom, this is even better.

However, always bear in mind that the reward will not necessarily appear as a material or in physical form. It can be anything. And it can be either now, in the hereafter, or both. As it is, for the good deeds that you do, the best of all rewards that you will gain in the world is in the form of knowledge and wisdom. Yes, that is what Allah promises us.

Wow, this sharing of information has become rather long. Well perhaps another entry can be posted to continue some other things that we have discussed during the class before the neuronal highway gets congested.

In the meantime, hope this helps.

Happy spending :)

Long-lost love found

It was about a year ago that i stumbled upon a pocket-sized book of collection of hadeeth from Riyad-us-Saliheen. Every now and then I used the book as a referral for questions that I have in mind. When there are doubts, I just would like to know what the Prophet would have done if he were in that kind of situation, or what he would have advised if you were to ask him such and such a question.

Now the book is no longer just another textbook. It has in fact become a bedtime storybook!

A bedtime storybook?

Well, it's the kind of book you open as you rest your head on the fluffy pillows, enjoying the adventure before you fall into a deep slumber.

Indeed it is joyful reading what the Prophet has to say to you about things in life. The feeling of closeness to him, as though one is conversing with him is simply amazing! It's like you're reading a letter from your father whom you dearly love, who has long left the world. It brings back sweet memories that makes one smile and perhaps even shed a tear.

The Prophet...he's just so decent and humble yet people respect him more than they fear a mighty and fearsome king. The respect is out of love and it's everlasting. His kind words and wisdom penetrate every heart that ever comes near him, melting all prejudices. Never is he harsh even to the animals and the apparently inanimate plants. An incredible man he is. Words can't possibly do enough justice in describing him.

Oh how my heart is going to explode from all the great feelings that I have for The Messenger of Allah!

Heh, now I have gotten a little bit emotional...

wednesday is the day

wednesday is the day
witnessing the miracle of God's creation
bringing glad tidings
those waiting
with hopes and prayers

wednesday is the day...

Jalan-jalan cari jawapan: Part 1

"Uish besar2 rumah kat sini.."

"Hm mcm mana la agaknya eh.."

"Ya Allah, permudahkan la.."

"Nak start dari mana dulu ni?"

That was our dilemma - Mimi, Fatin, and I. For the community survey on H1N1 awareness, we were assigned specific areas for us to bombard with questionnaires. Being assigned rows of houses in the 'gajah' area is really a big and heavy task. The houses are tagged with a 'gajah' symbol because they're mostly big. A few are enormous. None is small.

I believe many of us have this perception that most people in housing areas, especially those with big houses are not very keen on receiving visits from strangers, whom they generalise as either salespersons or people asking for donation.

Keeping that stereotype in mind, we heavy-heartedly paved our ways to the houses whose residents may not be as big-hearted to welcome us.

Yesterday was our first round of survey. As a strategy, we decided to first and foremost mention clearly, "kami pelajar PERUBATAN/MEDIC dari UIA". That was our pick-up line. Huhu.. We wanted to sell our title as medical students in hope that people will buy it. And it worked! Well, at least it worked on some people who cared to first listen before considering to shoo us away..

The first day wasn't exactly successful. Yes, we managed to ding-dong 20 houses but we could only obtain 4 respondents from 3 different houses. Mostly, we were greeted by empty houses with the windows staring blankly at us. There were also houses that sent their bibik as a spy to find out just what those three ladies standing in front of their house under the hot blaring sun want from them. Of course by now most of them would have been trained to say, "oh tuan rumah takda..semua kerja..takda orang.." all the while maintaining an innocent and 'blur' look.

Not to mention, our 'hello' was replied by waving of hands, not because they are being friendly. They are simply practising a universal sign of saying 'no, i don't want anything from you..please go away..'

......and we politely smiled, said 'terima kasih', and walked off...

*sigh*

Perhaps beyond this there are lessons for us urbanites who more or less react the same way in similar situations..

To add some spice to our adventure, we were also greeted by canines that were eager to show off their singing talents, or should I say shouting? As we passed by their 'territories', they barked like mad! The big dogs barked ferociously and they succeeded in creating fear in us. Meanwhile, the small, puny dogs were yapping endlessly! And as usual, a dog's yapping is highly contagious. Seconds after the yapping of the first dog, the other small dogs started to join in the choir. Tak padan dengan kecik, bisingnya Ya Rabbi! Rasa macam nak sumbat mulut dia dengan kain, ikat kaki dia, pastu gantung atas pokok..

Feeling like perompak di siang hari, we hurried away..

Just as we were losing our optimism, we succeeded in obtaining one response from a makcik's daughter. A friendly makcik indeed. She is illiterate so we had to exclude her from answering the questionnaire.

And then we had two from a couple of Chinese, whom we thought were very cool. They appeared very atypical as they were very receptive and very supportive. Realise how many times I use the word 'very'? That shows how very happy we were with their response. There you have it again. Very.

Finally we got a response from an educated housewife who has an over-friendly four-year-old daughter with a sweet name. To Fatin's relief, they offered us cold drinks. Ahh.. icy-cold mango drinks.. heavenly! We chit-chatted with the lady, ate some kuih raya, and made our way back.

All in all, that made our day.. today was the second round of survey.. and today's experience has been more meaningful..that will be in the post to come..

Meanwhile, what I have learnt from yesterday's survey is about respecting people's space and their right to reject. I am not the persuasive type. I offer once, re-offered once more, and that's it..there is no compulsion and it is always subject to their own choice and free-will to take what is offered, or leave it..

Perhaps this is something to be contemplated upon..

There is no compulsion in religion...

...we don't FORCE or PRESSURE people to do things..of course things that Allah has made compulsory to do is always compulsory to do..our job is to REMIND nicely and wisely..it's their job to actually do it..it's Allah's job to judge, reward, or punish accordingly..

Tasks that are performed on the basis of willingness create sincerity and permanency. They breed good habits slowly but surely..

Tasks that are forced upon spark hatred and rebellion..Burnouts occur quickly..

Think about it..

to be a diamond...

Eid Mubarak...

Ramadhan has long passed and I am fairly certain that what I gained from the recent month of fasting was mostly hunger and thirst. Every person's calling is different in each Ramadhan. Perhaps mine was to search for what has been lost, which I shall keep to myself. Suffice to say, istiqamah is an issue and there is much more to improvise.

At times a pang of guilt fills the heart fearing that my incompetence in religion has infected my significant half. I fear that my carefree attitude influences his perspective as well. There is also this nagging feeling that my being married to him deteriorates his values. Perhaps this is only a rambling of an inferior lass. Just perhaps.

On the 5th of Syawal, my significant half and I, with his group of 7 friends, made rounds of visit to their teachers' houses of their former school, SMA Hishamuddin Sg. Bertih, Klang. They represent 4 consecutive batches. Difference in age is not an issue. They're all brothers.

These people are not just ordinary students in school. 3 of them were Head Prefects during their years, my husband included. They also hold top positions in their Clubs and Societies be it in school, during matriculation years, or in university. One of them is the current YDP (Yang Di-Pertua) of MPP (Majlis Perwakilan Pelajar) of UiTM. Another is already an editor in DBP. They're all successful.

They are decent, polite, and respectful. They are funny but serious where necessary. They are firm and confident yet humble. They are mature. They have common sense. They are very much Islamic. And their teachers look up to them.

Islamic as they are, the subjects that they study vary. Two of them read English (BEN), three read Shari'ah Law, one takes IRK, and the other Sports Science. 'Worldly' subjects do not take them away from their fitrah. They hold firm to their grounds.

Coming from a 'secular' school (sekolah harian biasa..hehe..) i felt below par, really. Although I used to don a 'mushroom tudung' (tudung labuh besar), it wasn't genuine. I was a tudung labuh celup and the nature of things that are celup is that the celupan will fade. Just like Zhulian. It needs re-polishing. I need to be polished. If given the choice, I would certainly love to don the tudung labuh again but the soft and light textile does not seem to conceal my aurat properly, given my anthropometric measurement. Perhaps I should find a better alternative. I'll write more on my history of tudung labuh in the near future.

To compare myself to him/them is like comparing a Korean bling2 brooch to a real diamond. They both spark and shine, bedazzling those eyeing these exhibits. Superficially, people can't even tell the difference sometimes. Both look fairly similar, both are equally attractive.








The difference lies deep within. Only the person who wears these two at the same time will feel and know the difference.

When will I be diamond?

reminiscence

I haven't written for a while. I was ambitious when i first subscribed to blogger. I had wanted to write at least twice or thrice a week. Now it's reduced to twice a month *sigh*

It isn't completely up to me, really. For me to be able to post in the blog, the computer has to be functioning properly. Then the internet connection has to be working well. Finally there has to be something to write..

When the computer and internet connection functioned well, my brain malfunctioned..or was at least sub-optimally functioning. When i had ideas crossing the synaptic junctions, i had no transfer medium!

First it was the mouse - it became paralysed and died. Then it's the celcom broadband sim card. For unknown reasons, it could not be detected by the phone. htc, nokia..semua tak detect. And now the CPU has broken down as well!! *double sigh*

Currently i'm able to write atas ehsan sahabatku nabilah yg selalu bagi pinjam laptop tatkala ada seminar atau case write-ups yang nak kena siapkan. Tenkiu nabilah! ^_^ Jasamu dikenang.

I first got to know nabilah when we were doing UNGS in the final short semester before embarking on our undergraduate study in Kuantan. We were roomies for about 3 months back in PJ. But at that time, i was pre-occupied with my inferiority complex, being surrounded by 'original' medical students with whom i could not be at par. For those who had not known, i registered to MCIIUM as a Bio Sc. student, jumped to Pharmacy as i entered year 2 and finally landed myself in Medicine.

2nd year in MCIIUM was the worst time i've ever experienced throughout my whole matriculation life. During the earlier part of the academic year, i was miserable. As time went by, i felt better but i was never truly happy. i'm a last-minute kind of person. i was, still am, but hopefully will no longer be.

When i joined d class with MEDCY students, they're all very dilligent, hardworking, selalu siap kerja awal, n selalu dapat jawab betul. On the other hand, i was not as dilligent, spent most of my time day-dreaming, siap kerja betul2 5 minit sebelum kena submit n banyak soalan yg xtau jawab!

Just imagine how low i felt at that time. I was having second thoughts. Am i really fit to join them? Do i belong? Have i made the right decision? Frankly speaking, I felt more intelligent when i was in Bio Sc.. Joining MEDCY reduced my self-confidence to a level lower than the unicellular amoeba.

I still remember crying hysterically on the morning of Physics paper, for fear that i might fail the exam. I talked to my mom, trying to convince her to allow me to intentionally skip the exam. I couldn't stand failing. I'd rather fail myself then let the lecturer fail me. Well eventually my immature plan was abandoned and i sat for the paper anyway. My grade wasn't excellent but at least i did not fail.

Allah taught me that it is my effort that counts, not the end result.

After being a medical student for 3 years and a bit, i feel more at home. i've developed meaningful friendships with people whose existence i've never realised until we're all dumped together in the same class.

Truly i feel blessed by Allah as He gives me the opportunity to develop myself amongst friends who are very nurturing. At times there are occasions in which my mistakes were being pointed out and I was reminded of things that i have done wrong. Incredibly, i feel happy with this sort of situation. No pretentions, no hard feelings. It's all pure sisterhood..or brotherhood. It's about being successful together.

From the depth of my heart, I feel glad because i know i'll be re-directed onto the right track should i swerve into the opposing lane.

This is how things should be. A friend ought to remind another friend of his mistakes in a very encouraging manner. One should also aknowledge positive traits that his friend has. This is what amar makruf nahi munkar should be like. We enjoin the good and forbid the evil with beautiful words and wisdom.

Remember that a rewarding experience related to an event will increase the probability of that event recurring?

Let's all be rewarding to ourselves and the people around us.

activating synaptic junctions

Gaza Plastic Mosques Welcome Ramadan
August 26, 2009 - 05:29

GAZA CITY — "Allah-o- Akbar (God is the Greatest)" resonated across war-ravaged Gabalyia refugee camp in southern Gaza and worshippers instantly started to flock from all directions.

But instead of the performing the Tarawih prayers, a special nightly prayers during the holy fasting month of Ramadan, inside their tranquil oasis mosque, Gazans gathered to pray in their new makeshift place of worship built with plastic walls and palm leaves ceilings.

"We have rebuilt our mosques from plastic and nylon to keep them populated with worshippers," Mohamed Badr, a Gazan youth, told IslamOnline.net.

Gazans welcomed Ramadan on the ruins of their mosques, destroyed by Israel’s gun machines in the December offensive.

But ahead of the holy month, when Muslims dedicate their time to become closer to Allah through prayer, young Gazans like Badr worked hard to create makeshift places of worship to receive the worshipers.

With no Israel’s stifling blockade which denies Gaza basic materials to rebuild ruined houses and mosques, volunteers had nothing but plastic, woods and palm leaves.

"Our mosques are not a mere building of walls and columns. The whole earth is a place of worship," Bilal, a friend of Badr, stressed, while the two engaged themselves in cleaning and making simple decorations in the plastic mosque, an easy task with no light to fix or luxurious carpets to set.

"If building materials are late, we still have plastic and palm leaves."

At least 1,417 Palestinians, more than half of them women and children, were killed in the Israeli air, land and sea attacks.

The three-week war wrecked havoc on the Gaza infrastructure, destroying some 100 mosques, 20,000 homes, 48 government offices and 31 police stations across the impoverished territory.

Hard, But…

Abu Ahmed, a Gazan elder, watched the youngsters as they took every effort to make the makeshift mosque as comfortable as possible.

But he lamented that despite their efforts, he might not be able to pray in the plastic mosque.

"I've never missed Tarawih prayers under any conditions," he lamented. “But this year would be different.

"The atmosphere inside the place is smoldering hot that I can’t bear in my age and there are too much crowds to get inside.”

Islam Muslim, Imam of Al-Qe'qa' ben Amr mosque, admits that it will be hard for worshippers to pray whether in the plastic or the semi-wrecked mosques.

Being the biggest mosque in eastern Gaza, Al-Qe'qa' used to host 1500 worshippers. Nevertheless, after the war, it can only accommodate 300.

“There is also the lack of windows and doors, the lack of electricity and the problem of street noise with no walls to muffle.”

Muslim, however, affirmed that all the problems could not break the spirit of Gazans.

"We affixed decorations, Ramadan bulletins and prayers on the walls," he said. "We also fixed a huge lantern before the door of the mosque.

He added that their efforts will continue to rebuild even a tiny part of the mosque.

"We will do our best, even if we have to pray at the street."

Badr, the Gazan youth, is no less determined.

“They may have destroyed our mosques, but will never destroy our will.”

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?c=Article_C&cid=1251021160334&pagename=Zone-English-News/NWELayout

truly, ujian kesenangan is harder for us to pass as opposed to ujian kesusahan..

every single day, one is tested on how much one expresses shukr to Allah and how frequently one remembers Allah..how many are really being God-conscious and how many actually forget?

every time i feel malas and actively force the neurons in my cerebral cortex to hibernate, this is what i say to myself:

Dear wani,

you are here in medical school with that God-given gifted brain of yours..do u think that the brain is sitting there in your skull for nothing? of all the people in the world, why are u one of those being blessed with the ability to easily grasp and understand the knowledge that is being transmitted to u?

My, my..it's there for a reason..for many reasons..and that special ability is not an absolute right but a responsibility! It's for u to utilise..kalau u takmau pakai otak untuk pikir, dont u think God can easily take it away from u and give it to somebody else yg akan lebih manfaatkan kepandaian tu?

and i'd go..

"noooo! xmau jadi budak tak pandai..ok ok i'll use my otak to think.."

so there..utilising ones brain does not only mean one has to read medic-related materials..it can be just about anything, as long as it can lead one to think and contemplate..

happy thinking ;)

a dilemma

Last weekend was the beginning of Ramadhan. I went back to KL (as usual) to celebrate the first day of Ramadhan with my family and beloved husband. Being married means you have an extra family. Being the good couple we are (^_^), we always try to be fair as much as possible in going back to our parents’ homes. Their homes are ours, too, anyway. I always believe that this is a very crucial part of married life - to ensure that both sides get equal share. We women have to make sure that we don't get greedy and keep our husbands to ourselves only. Kesian kat family diorang.

To be fair to both sides, we decided that we would sahur in Maluri (my place) on Saturday and then commute to Klang (qayyum's place) after Subuh. Berbuka will be in Klang. The following sahur would be in Klang and after Subuh we'd be heading back to Maluri. So all in all, both sides would get approximately 24 hours of us. Sounds tiring? Heheh. At some point, you'll get used to it.

Traveling from Maluri to Klang means having to use the KTM Komuter. The trains to Klang has had a bad reputation amongst us because of their frequent delays. Alhamdulillah, their system worked well that weekend and there were no delays of trains. Otherwise, our pahala puasa would surely be at risk of being deducted! Or come to look at it from a different angle, it could have actually opened an avenue for us to collect extra pahala puasa. Ain't life easy?

On Sunday before going back to Maluri, we had a couple of pit-stops to go. The first stop was Pekeliling to purchase the bus ticket for me to return to Kuantan later that evening. Next was Pustaka Mukmin in Jalan Tar for Qayyum to buy several Law textbooks. From Klang to Pekeliling to Jalan Tar to Maluri, we utilised the KTM Komuter, Monorel, and STAR LRT.

So there we were, the two of us with the backpacks on our back in the midst of hustle and bustle of a city life. Throngs of people crowded the train station, fighting silently for seats. Streams of cars lined the busy roads, polluting the air with fumes of smoke rich with carbon monoxide. People of young and old, rich and poor, citizens and foreigners appeared from every nook and cranny of the city. Nobody seemed to be withheld by the hunger and thirst of Ramadhan. Life went on as usual.

Students are a common sight in KL, especially in the areas of KL Sentral and Jalan Tar. One could easily identify them from the way they dress, the looks on their face, and the bags they carry on their back - just like we did. So in a glimpse from afar, we would be perceived as two students walking about aimlessly in the morning of Ramadhan.

Suddenly a thought striked me...

Picture this: Two Muslim students of opposing genders holding hands, walking about in Jalan Tar laughing gleefully at one another's jokes..in the train they sit very closely with their arms hooked together, conversing endlessly..

hey, isn't this Ramadhan?

and they have the audacity to act shamelessly in public in the midst of Ramadhan???

Tak puasa ke diorang tu? Bulan puasa pun boleh lagi nak buat maksiat?? ish2..

If you were a person, a stranger, you wouldnt have known that we're actually already married, would you? And the thoughts above would easily be played in your mind. It would be much different if I were a person who wears tudung labuh or tudung 60" because then people would be kinder and immediately guessed that we're married. But I wore a blouse and a pants and a 45" tudung. I was modest and covered. Yet I bore a typical student appearance, an appearance that wouldn't instigate people's mind to think that perhaps this girl is already married.

This is nobody's fault to blame. But it made me feel uneasy..

Uneasy because we could easily tarnish Islam's reputation by 'portraying' ourselves as Muslims who don't know better, who couldn't care less. Uneasy because we could be wrongly exemplified as Muslims who are not married but are cool with holding hands thereby acknowledging this act. It's a dilemma, people. A dilemma that has been unjustly imposed on us. At least on me.

I wanted to get married to shoo away fitnah yet fitnah is what I can easily create in a wrong place at a wrong time. I have never really thought about this until yesterday.

It's unfair, really. This generalisation is inaccurate. And bersangka baik is all that it takes to prevent such misunderstanding. But bersangka baik is hard when it is so obvious that there are MANY unmarried youngsters who do not observe rightful muamalah. Again, it's a dilemma!

Do I start wearing a larger-sized tudung? Or do I start wearing a flowery mak-mak blouse/dress to make me look twenty years older? Should do I colour my fingers with henna and flash my blaring-red fingers to signify my status as a married person? Sometimes I simply feel like wearing a tag with big letters spelling WE'RE MARRIED..

love and tudung senget...

An interesting class we had with Dr. Umeed today, on personality development and disorder.. One interesting story that he shared was about a one-year-old boy, in wanting to hug his mother, was hushed away for the mother did not want her crisply ironed dress to be crumpled.. I laughed and smirked at the absurdity of that situation and shook my head..But then i realised how common this situation is in our society!

cuba imagine a mother and a son sitting in the living room, waiting to go to a kenduri..the toddler then runs to his mother and hugs her with all his might, attempting to sit on the mother's lap..this is how the mother will react:

"ish apa panjat2 ni..tak reti dok diam la budak ni..dok elok2 tu..senget dah tudung mak..kedut baju nanti.."

sounds familiar? try to observe real hard and you can see this happenning..

issue 1:
i mean, come on..if a toddler does that, spare some forgiveness and shower more love..yes, kids need to be disciplined but with kindness and explanation..people tend to take short cuts by reprimanding kids for their inappropriate behaviour but neglect to explain the reason behind the reprimanding and forget to teach the appropriate one..

issue 2:
the image of a mother with a slightly senget tudung whilst hugging and 'wrestling' with her toddler appears very cool to me..and cute too! forget about the idea of being a vogue and va-va-voom mom when you have a couple of toddlers clinging onto you..what's there to looks at the cost of love and affection? it's HARD to maintain cun and be actively playing with your children at the same time..i think we should glamourise these moms who take an extra effort to be loving to their children by not being fussy about how they look..no, they do not have to be masam and melekit..but tudung a little bit senget? nothing to worry lah..

"are we there yet?"

Two weekends ago, my youngest brother and i accompanied our dad to a kenduri kahwin of one of the staffs in his department..initially i was very reluctant to go there for the fear that they might mistaken me as 'his wife'..haha..anak ayah dah besar..but because he was so bersemangat nak pergi to that kenduri, I, with a heavy heart, obeyed..

The kenduri was in kuala selangor, which i THOUGHT took a little bit more than an hour to reach. How I was wrong! It took us two long hours and a bit to get to our destination..and when I say long, i really mean a looooong journey..we didn't exactly know where the place of kenduri was (my dad had wonderfully left the map at his office in Terengganu) so we had to keep our eyes on the signs by the road to navigate our way there..poor Imran, who was the co-pilot, couldn't sleep during the journey..tu la, that's the bliss of sitting in front ;P

Eventually we managed to arrive in Sekinchan..the watch showed 2.30 p.m. as we entered the kenduri place..i made sure i was introduced as HIS DAUGHTER to prevent confusion..hehe..

We stayed for about half-an-hour, met the pengantin, took some pictures, and headed back. I could see that the bride (my dad's staff) really appreciated my dad's attendance.. come to think of it, wouldnt you feel glad knowing that The Dean of the Faculty travelled 2 hours and a half just to be at your wedding? I know I would..

And then it was time to go back..this time i assumed the co-pilot position, saving both my brother and my dad from moments of mute and silence..my youngest brother tends to let his mind wander off into the the land of Allah-knows-where..cars and robots perhaps? I, on the other hand, have the tendency to doze off if i sat at the back and poor ayah would have had to battle against sleepiness all by himself..

Being the good daughter I am and the only biological daughter he will always have, I opened up conversations on various topics and issues..i've always been amazed at how rich my dad's general knowledge is..that is one thing in common that i see in adults his age..or his generation, might I say..they know plenty! these are the likes of Prof Nasa, Prof Tahir, and Prof Pakeer to name a few..

The journey back was far more exciting and adventurous..we embarked on a different route from which we came and how contrary the journey was! When we came, we used the long straight highway lined up by blocks of buildings and skyscrapers with tall, skinny trees occasionally decorating the roadsides..when we got back, we traversed on a long, winding road passing through palm-oil estates, orchards, and forests - lush green trees upon which our eyes feast..

At one point, my brother started seeing monkeys..initially i thought it was just his illusion, being the city boy he is..but shortly after, i started seeing them too! monkeys of all ages, from baby monkeys to grampa monkeys..some were just sitting around, others playfully wrestling with one another..there were clusters of families with the young clinging onto its mother's back..they were looking for food..Imran was so excited, giggling gleefully at each passing monkey..my dad further elevated his state of excitement by honking to the poor monkeys and startled them..oh how my brother laughed hysterically watching the poor monkeys jump! i laughed, too..

Suddenly a realisation came..there were too many monkeys by the roadside..too many to be recreational..once in a while you find monkeys loitering, trying to entice the people around them so that they'll be fed..but this was a road with cars driving non-stop and without food stalls or human residents detectable within the proximity..what were these monkeys doing there?

I turned my head to see beyond the trees..i looked hard and saw some yellowish-brown patches..i strained my eyes to get a better view..and then everything was revealed..behind the thin green barrier, a vast area of denuded forest lied still..tracktors and buldozers swarmed what was once home to the monkey population..i felt a pang of anger in my chest..humans, the civilised species we love to claim, have effectively rendered these monkeys homeless! No wonder there was emptiness in the eyes of the elderly monkeys..they had nowhere to go, nothing to eat..there was no place they could call home..the neighbouring forest was beyond bound..they risk their life entering the restricted territory..

There is no telling as to how much damages we humans can potentially cause..in the name of wealth, we destroy the ecosystem..we try to justify our acts by saying, "we mean well..it's all for the benefits of the society.." Our benefits, huh? what about the well-being of other species co-existing with us homosapiens? are their lives not worth conserving? those who oppose such massive destruction are accused as being backwards and anti-development..haven't we had enough already? Oh, pardon my forgetfulness..we humans are never contented..

The journey went on..and I sat quietly, pondering upon the prospects of a bleak future..

As a Malay proverb puts it, 'jauh perjalanan, luas pemandangan.' Indeed I have learnt much from this journey alone. Truly Allah has given us the chance to get to know Him and understand His creations..many such experiences may be encountered by us daily but because of how drowned we are in our human lives, we have failed to connect with nature and observe Allah's signs. We then shall never learn. We shall never notice how foolish and selfish we are..

From this journey, I was able to spend quality time with my dad and bro..and by agreeing to accompany my dad to this kenduri, i have actually encouraged and acknowledged a good trait of his - being a good boss. Sometimes we fail to see how very rewarding our small contribution can be. Everywhere we go, in everything we do there is always a chance for us to practice our role as a Khalifah. There will always be those moments for us to gain some extra pahala. It's up to us to find it..or ignore it..

written quest

I have not written for a long, long time. Putting aside the lengthy essays being written in the answer manuscripts come end-block examination, i haven't actually written anything much. Heck, even the exams don't require that much of a lengthy answer nowadays. Answering the exam questions means writing it short, precise, comprehensive, and comprehensible. The grammar doesn't even have to be correct, as long as the examiner knows what you're saying or, at least, trying to say. That leaves me with pretty much nothing to write - a decent multi-paragraphs-ultra-vocabs kind of writings. Oh my, how this has taken its toll on me now. It seems that I have lost a lot of the writing skills that I've acquired throughout high-school. As it is, I'm struggling to write this miserable introductory paragraph, having to think which vocabs fit better and if the grammar is proper!

***

The only way to regain this skill is to write. Write and write and write. And read, of course. And understanding what it is you're reading. I remember loving the dictionary so much simply because it enriches my collection of vocabularies. I used to open random pages of the dictionary on the eve of Essay paper to search for catchy and classy vocabs but useful and practical ones, understand their context of meanings, and construct sentences using those vocabs. And then i'll fit those sentences into the essay the following day. A successful formula this was.

***

Now I find it difficult to construct sentences, tie them nicely together, and connect the paragraphs into a smooth flow of events - the smoothness of a milky, creamy piece of durian that leaves your taste buds tingling for more. Oh yes. There is such a thing as milky and creamy piece of durian. My vocabularies have gone to mere basics, just enough to survive the language. My thoughts? Although most of the time i think in English, it's difficult to lay them down, organise them systematically, and convey these thoughts to others in a fluent, impeccable english. It would be such a waste not being able to convey ones thoughts when one actually has incredible ideas. It's all locked up within ones neurons, shared only between the synaptic junctions in ones cerebrum and never got articulated. This is what i call dysarthria. One can have the intelligence of ten genius scientists combined together, but until and unless that intelligence is being expressed, one is perceived as not knowing.

***

Some might think, why all the fuss on language? As long as we're able to speak and write, we're okay, right?

***

I have always believed that people who master language, master knowledge. Remember that when Allah created Adam, he taught him the names of things? In other words, God gave Adam a symbolic language thereby enabling us human beings to have aql/intellect. Language enables us to think, process, and understand. It allows us to contemplate all the observable signs surrounding us. It opens the gate to knowledge and paves the paths toward truth. Ultimately, it allows us to express our free-will, our ability to make choices.

***

Animals, on the other hand, do not have symbolic language therefore no free-will. We might see the miaowing of cats and roaring of tigers as them 'speaking' to one another. These sounds send specific signals, but by no means are these signals similar to our understanding of language and conversation in human terms. It's hard to delineate the distinction between the nature of animal and human language when we humans have successfully anthropomorphise animals i.e. to attribute human qualities to others that are non-human.

***

Now back to language. In essence, knowledge is transferred from a person's thought to another person via language, be it any language. Therefore, the more you understand language, the more are you able to understand the knowledge that is being conveyed to you. The richer your language is, there more terms there are for you to think and comprehend further. Knowledge is learned, applied, and passed on. Good language allows us to pass on the knowledge more efficiently.

***

It is very unfortunate that in the learning institution, language is seen as a subject -just another paper to pass. Language is not perceived as a tool that connects one knowledge to another. Knowledge is a unified body. Compartmentalising knowledge shrinks our world and restricts our logic.

***

Now see how a skill that we often take for granted is so important for us to constantly polish?

***

Writing is just one of the many ways language is expressed. Enhance our language by writing, reading, speaking. Anything. That's why i'm starting to blog anyway - to have a platform for me to write. To have people reading what i write is a bonus. May I be persistent in my quest to write and enhance my language, inshaAllah ;).