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Sunday, February 20, 2011

Didn't I tell you Allah is fair?

Alhamdulillah, Rayyan is now almost 9 months. He is actively crawling about, climbing up stairs, and cruising his way through, holding his grip firmly on table edges, chairs, walls, you name it. Life has been great since his arrival and inshaAllah more fun and adventure awaits in the future.

Rayyan is not an exclusively-breastfed child. He was fed with formula when he was 3 weeks plus. And because of this, I was given a free list of disapproved or unacceptable excuses for not breastfeeding a child.

He was around 3 months old when he had suppurative BCG lymphadenitis. I brought him to an A&E department of a government hospital (we always know gov. hospitals have this strict breastfeeding policy) and he was seen by the MO on-call, who happened to be a Middle Eastern chap. As a part of paediatrics history taking, inevitably I was asked on feeding.

Doc: "So, you're breastfeeding him?"

Me: "Yeah, well, not anymore. He's on formula."

He stopped writing and looked at me.

Doc: "How come you're not breastfeeding? You should know, shouldn't you?" (by then he had already known that I am a final year medical student. And oh please imagine a 'muka tak puas hati' while reading this sentence.)

Me: "Well, I had some problem initially. Couldn't really...."

...and the doc interrupted, "What problem? Mastitis? Abscess? Painful? You know that's still not a good excuse right? You can still breastfeed." (and now imagine a mocking face.)

Me: "Well, I..." and I went on, telling him about the underlying problem (which was none of those listed above), which to me is rather personal. But him being a doctor and I his patient, I suppose this piece of information is rather relevant. And after hearing my explanation, he took a deep breath and apologised to me, sincerely.

I did not really take this matter to heart because I understand how automatic it is for a healthcare worker to jump (and melatah) the moment a mother to an infant says "I am bottle-feeding my child." And I bet the primary example that will spontaneously appear in your head is Dr. Double A ;)

However, at the same time, I also felt as though my credibility as a mother is being questioned and put at stake, that no matter how good my parenting skill is, I am still not deemed an excellent mother simply because I have failed to breastfeed my child.

Perhaps one would think, being a medical student, wouldn't I know better? That the mother's milk is the most precious food a child can be fed?

Now let me ask you back. Wouldn't you think that I, knowing all the goodness and benefit of the mother's milk, would intentionally and without reasonable grounds forsake this noble part of motherhood?

I have always thought of how bad a mother can be when she doesn't breastfeed her child. Scientifically, it is proven to be the best and in the Quran ,it specifically mentions 'two years' when it comes to breastfeeding. Knowing this, the decision to finally feed formula milk to my son was an emotional one and it certainly wasn't an easy one. I had to fight with this innate feeling of wanting to fully breastfeed my child for I know the prospect of completing 6 months with success is very poor.

'Two years of breastfeeding' has become some sort of 'kata-kata keramat' for breastfeeding mothers. I acknowledge that this is what Islam recommends but is that just it? Somehow or rather, I felt that people have not been quoting this phrase completely. There must be something else that follows that phrase, something that makes it complete as I know with certainty that Islam is a holistic religion, applicable to all walks and phases of life. If Allah were to make a general rule that ALL mothers must breastfeed her children for two years, then certainly Allah would have made it equally possible for all. But no, there are women who have different phenotypes that do not permit them to successfully breastfeed, at least not at the first try. So for this group of people, I am sure Allah has something for them in store.

And so I took my 'textbook' i.e. Text, Translation, and Commentary of The Holy Qur'an by Abdullah Yusuf Ali. This is what I found:

Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 233:

The mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father desires to complete the term. But he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms. No soul shall have a burden laid on it greater than it can bear. No mother shall be treated unfairly on account of her child. Nor father on account of his child, an heir shall be chargeable in the same way. If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them. If you decide on a foster-mother for your offspring, there is no blame on you, provided you pay (the mother) what you offered, on equitable terms. But fear Allah and know that Allah sees well what you do.

Now, can you see how incomplete the abovementioned phrase is? Can you appreciate that it is only, say, one-eighth of a full paragraph?

By quoting this verse, I mean to point out that:

1. Yes, it is best to nurse one's child for two full years (and I salute those who have succeeded in this).

2. ...but Allah will not burden one with something one is not capable of handling (which means different people are tested differently and Allah does not compare one's result to the other whose test is different).

3. ...and should one decide to wean her children earlier than the recommended two years and it is done with mutual consent and due consultation, IT IS OKAY!

So my message to all of you out there, when you have become a doctor/nurse/any healthcare personnel you may be, please do not unnecessarily label and stigmatise those who do not breastfeed their children. Yes it is our job to educate and persuade them, but at the end of the day, it is by their own free-will that they decide to go for it or otherwise.

If they say they have serious problems/issues that they are unable to breastfeed, then trust that they have spoken the truth and help accordingly. If they lied (e.g.: they say they have some real problem with breastfeeding but are actually worried about their breasts sagging), then be comforted by the fact that Allah knows all that they do. We can only know what people tell us but it is Allah who, at then end of the day, judges what is in people's heart.

Allah is Fair in all aspects of His Creation and He is Perfect in all aspects of His Commands. May we be forgiven for the imperfections of our conduct.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Doctor Donkey

"Perbandingan orang-orang (Yahudi) yang ditanggungjawab dan ditugaskan (mengetahui dan melaksanakan hukum) Kitab Taurat, kemudian mereka tidak menyempurnakan tanggungjawab dan tugas itu, samalah seperti keldai yang memikul bendela kitab-kitab besar (sedang ia tidak mengetahui kandungannya). buruk sungguh bandingan kaum yang mendustakan ayat-ayat keterangan Allah; dan (ingatlah), Allah tidak memberi hidayah petunjuk kepada kaum yang zalim." (Al-Jumu’ah : 5)

I was going through a blog this morning to search for some articles and I stumbled upon this particular translation in on of the blog's articles. Immediately I could see myself transforming into a donkey, bearing all this weight of tonnes of medical textbooks on my shoulders! If one were to have a look at my four-tier book rack, one would've been awed at just how numerous and thick the books are (and not to mention all the fancy medical names on them!).

And to think that I have been carrying the thick Davidson textbook of Internal Medicine for the past 2 weeks or so in my bright orange backpack with having only read SEVERAL pages (not even a full chapter) from the book, I certainly have become the donkey mentioned in the above surah. An obese donkey, in fact.

We carry thick medical textbooks.

We read those textbooks.

We probably understand most of the content.

But do we really practise what the books have taught us?

One would think, "Oh well we're still in the student phase. We'll get the hang of it once we become real doctors. How are we supposed to master it if we are not doing it everyday like when we become doctors later on?"

Hm I won't disagree because there is some truth in that.

But I have to say that there is a chance for us to practise/apply our knowledge while we're still students. In fact it is what we're supposed to do as students - to answer and ask questions in class or during teaching. It's not an option but a responsibility that comes together with the role of a student. It's not a noble voluntary act when a student answers correctly a question posed by a lecturer. And it certainly is not an attempt to self-humiliate when one answers a question wrongly. It's a responsibility carried out.

Our job now is not just to finish reading textbooks. It's our job to assimilate the knowledge that we have and express it in the verbal form. That is how we know that our thought process is leading us on the right track. And that is also how the lecturers know that we know. As a popular quote by Mr. F goes, "Whatever that is in your head, if it does not come out of your mouth, means you don't know."

I find that many of us (in fact most of us) know a lot of things. Sometimes I just envy how powerful the memory that some of us have and how diligent many of us are when it comes to studying. I often walk with pride when I see how full the library is and my fellow brothers and sisters striving hard in their studies.

Unfortunately, many are not willing (or are not courageous) enough to offer answers when the lecturers ask. Well at least most of the time all we do is whisper the answers to ourselves or to our friends, but never loudly and directly to the lecturer - all because we are too afraid lest we answer wrongly. Heck, even when we are confident that our answer is correct, we still hide behind our friends praying and hoping that we will not be picked by the lecturer.

Sometimes it frustrates me to see this happening so rampantly and despite us already becoming a final year student.

I have been called stupid.

I have been laughed at by an MO during ward round.

I have been laughed at by a very senior paediatrician in an auditorium filled with 12o medical students.

I have been smirked at by a melioidosis expert.

It's all because I gave wrong answers and sometimes even full-blown idiotic answers.

Did I feel embarrassed? Of course I did. In fact I cried. At home. Or least in my heart, sometimes.

But it's okay. At least I know what I dont know. One won't know what one doesn't know if one doesn't start to be asked questions and fails to answer them.

That did not deter me from answering questions. It used to kill my self-esteem and motivation, but now it no longer does. In fact it has made my skin thicker and thicker that I don't really care anymore if I make silly or stupid mistakes now. I'd rather be laughed at by my lecturers than be yelled and scolded by my boss once I've started working.

It's a part of a student's life to screw up because that is how we learn. But once we've become real practising doctors, it's our responsibility to not get screwed.

My point is, many of us put the focus on READING but neglects SPEAKING. When we don't make it a habit to speak our knowledge, it won't come out as easily at times when we need it the most. In fact, when we constantly rehearse our knowledge, the synapses become faster and the speed of our thinking becomes faster. And when we're so used to rehearsing something, it becomes natural once we practise it.

I was on-call the night before with a few friends, and already we felt at loss after clerking new cases, not knowing exactly how to go about if we were in that situation 6 months down the road. It has made me realise that if i don't utilise the remainding days that I have as a medical student, I'll end up being a doctor donkey.

I'm probably now a junior donkey.

Well I guess it's time to stop donkeying around and yee-hawing. I'd better start working on becoming a responsible human being again.