how i became two..

The news that i am pregnant hit the public 3 weeks ago. The reaction and response from my friends was amazing - ada yang melompat kegembiraan, ada yang mengalirkan air mata sebab terharu sangat..huhu..and they say, "Finally our batch dah ada baby!" thanks to our seniors' batch with their 3 babies and more to come.

The scene of a pregnant female student walking about in the campus is not an uncommon sight here in IIUM, be it in Gombak or Kuantan. Many of the pregnancies were perhaps unplanned but there are also many who really planned to expand their family.

Some of you (or perhaps most) may be wondering which category i fall into. Rest assured that this has been well planned and with the Blessings and Mercy from Allah, He executes this plan.

I remember telling a close friend of mine (i.e. Fiey) about my new status. She was a bit quiet afterwards and did not appear to be as excited as i expected her to be. Only after i mentioned that it is well planned did her face shine and a she released a huge sigh of relief. She didn't know whether to congratulate or sympathise with me as she thought it was a result of contraceptive failure! huhuu..my fault for not informing her that i have stopped taking the pills many months back.

My parents, especially my dad, were not so keen on the idea of bearing a child while studying. In fact this was the main issue that my father brought up before he allowed me to get married. He said that accidents happen. I said accidents can be prevented. After I got married, he constantly reminded me not to give him a cucu as his birthday present. And I obediently kept my promise.

In contrast, Qayyum's parents were a bit open about this issue in the sense that they wouldn't mind if we decided to have a child early or wait a little bit longer. Though, the father likes little children so much and he tends to spoil them, which is something I quite worry.

Well perhaps my parents were worried that being pregnant will make things hard for me. Having to cope with the new condition and the demands of my studies, they feared that I might break and fall apart somewhere along the journey. Mak ayah mana la yang tak sayang anak kan. My dad, especially, was really worried that I would stop studying half way. That was why they objected to the idea of being pregnant before I graduate.

Long story made short, one night when I was in Temerloh doing my Paediatrics posting, my mother sent me an sms. She said that she is considering the prospect of becoming a grandmother and that she is able to help take care of the child if need be. This came as a surprise to me. We weren't even specifically discussing about that. It came out of the blue, unexpectedly. Something must have triggered her to think towards that way, I'm sure. I just don't know what it was.

And so further planning began..

Firstly, and most importantly, we tried to look for a target date that is the most suitable time for delivery. Being a student, good timing is essential. I wouldn't want to disturb my studies. From there, I calculated backwards (utilising Naegele rule here..hehe..) to get the rough estimation of when conception should occur. From there, I estimated the time needed for ovulatory cycle to return so that I can estimate when to stop taking the pill.

You see, I use a lot of the word 'estimate'. It's because we can only do so much. Only The Creator knows exactly when and how things will be.

And so began the endeavours towards achieving conception..

I didn't tell too many people about the fact that I was trying to conceive as I did not want to attract unnecessary stress from people asking questions like, "Dah berisi ke?" for which I will end up answering "Oh, saya mmg dari dulu berisi. Tak kurus-kurus." Sometimes I politely smile and try to ignore the question, pretending that I didn't hear it.

During the early phase of trying, I made some literature review (ehemm..rajin kan..) on how to assess fertility status. I took good care of the food that I ate and tried to lose some weight albeit unsuccessfully. I did urine pregnancy test (UPT) almost every week and of course they all came back negative. After about two months, I started to worry that perhaps I was subfertile. I've been oligomenorrhoeic all my life, and coincidentally (or not..) I was given the topic of 'Subfertility' for my seminar!

I realised that this trying has been stressful to me and stress is surely not fertility's best friend. I then stopped doing UPT and tried not to think so much about conceiving. If Allah wants to give, then He will.

One night on the third week of Shawal, I was talking on the phone with Qayyum and inevitably the topic of pregnancy entered the conversation. He asked me to read Surah Maryam and take the lessons from there. And so I did. It's very calming to know that in the most impossible circumstances imaginable to humans, Allah can easily grant a woman an offspring, as in the case of Nabi Zakariyya. They're already old and her wife is barren but with Allah's will, she gave birth to Yahya, the most obedient son one can ever have.

The following evening, I had this strong urge in me to go and purchase a UPT kit. I was so driven by this urge that I somewhat spontaneously drove my Kembara to the nearest pharmacy and bought two kits. I tried doing one that night, and two lines appeared. I got confused. Two lines? Eh, selalunya satu line je keluar. Waaaait a minute. Am I... pregnant? Whoa this is so unexpected. I tried once more the following morning and the same result was obtained.

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. Allah answered our prayer. And Qayyum, my dearest husband, became the happiest man in the world. Now there's a tiny little being attached very closely within me, relying on me for its survival.

Planning to have a baby is important. By planning I mean intentionally wanting to have a baby. For many young couples, they are not ready as yet to embark on a different kind of journey but end up having to face pregnancy and child-rearing at times when they are most unprepared.

Childbearing is a gift. But remember that it is also a responsibility. To shoulder a responsibility, one must be prepared. As Dr. Fauzi, a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist said, children are not instant noodles that you boil for 3 minutes and then it's cooked. Children are people, children are humans. They need time to grow and develop.

Without adequate preparation and knowledge, it's really difficult to raise good and strong children especially in our modern world. Children become the adults they are mostly because of how they were taught, educated, and moulded when they were small.

Bearing a child while studying is even a bigger responsibility. The responsibility lies in the need to keep the reputation of the 'moms club' clean - to set a good example to other people and to demonstrate that being pregnant is not an excuse to become lazy or a reason to get away with things.

I pray hard that I remain steadfast on this path..